Ah, feeling much better today!

        Had a chat with Brandi and Mike wrote me the most heart-felt response to my last entry! I’m feeling a lot better about the whole thing (although I think I learned a lot from the experience).
        Although, Mike said that I’ve been a little flamboyant, so I have to spend some time thinking about it (might want to wipe the stupid grin off my face; I just sort of think its cool).

        Brian’s flamboyant? That’s like Nixon with charisma: Unstoppable!

What did I do?!?

        So, I stopped at the South 76th. PetCo today to look at an albino rat (wasn’t going to buy one just yet; still waiting to see if Brandi moves out, maybe) and this guy came up to my car in the parking lot and pounded on my window. Says that I said something to him under my breath and looked at him out of the corner of my eye and smirked at him.
        Firstly, I haven’t SEEN anything out of ‘the corner of my eye’s for over 20 years and secondly, I’m not the type of person that says anything to anyone under my breath. I mean, I know that I’m a sort of lousy person and don’t really treat people like I want to, but I’m making an effort and I’d never say anything to someone ‘under my breath’ and I really don’t make contact with people in stores (every now and again in comic or move/porn stores, but I really don’t like interacting with people in unfamiliar situations).

        I know I didn’t say or do anything to this guy, I KNOW IT! Yet, I let him talk me out of my car (I mean, really, I was a bit out of sorts when someone came up to my window and said that they wanted to break my drivers-side window and pull me through it) and I apologized to him a bunch of times (maybe 8 or so?) and yet he still kept going on about how he wanted to beat me up (he wanted me to put my fists up, which I wouldn’t do because I really don’t want to do that whole violence thing and I know that old joke, and kept going on about if I knew how it felt like to have a quick punch in the gut) and I just kept apologizing to him.
        How, the question I have is: did I act this way because I really believe in non-violent solutions, or is it because I’m really afraid? Am I a moral person who actually tries to live what they preach, or was I just afraid? I want to believe the first thing, but I just don’t know.

        I was talking him down, I think, until he decided to say that I have one of ‘those damn fish’ on my car (I picked up a Darwin fish at Pride last week) and I sort of got aggressive. I mean, really, What Would Jesus Do? Right!?! I mean, if the guy wants to be a fuck-head, that’s fine (until he goes nuts and actually hurts someone) but what was up with the Darwin-fish remark? What was up with that?!?

        Now, I’m, sort of thinking that all of humanity is shit, and I really don’t give a damn anymore. I’m thinking of taking off to somewhere without any other people around. But, I love people. I want to love everyone; I really do!

        I seriously don’t know what to think. I’ve been spending the last 10 hours replaying the encounter in the parking lot through my mind, and wondering if I should have just gone ape-shit on the guy (verbally) and what the guy is thinking now (I’ve been thinking REALLY nasty things about that, serioulsy and that bugs the shit out of me).

        Ah, what to think of others, huh?

So, what's wrong with us anyway?

        I might have dropped this before, but why do we enjoy watching people who are in situations worse than our own? TV used to be about a fantasy land, a better or more fun place (in generalities, yeah) but now, its like a fucking horror movie. We don’t want to dream of better things, we just want to be reassured that other people’s lives are worse.
        Wrong folks, real wrong.

        Oh, and since I’m on a bit of a tear here, what’s up with horror movies? I was never a fan of slasher/gore flicks (I’m more into the ‘Dead-Wet-Girl’ school of horror) but the shit now is like a fucking sadastic porno. Nice. Go ahead and defend that shit, I dare you!
        Sick freaks.

Man, I'm having a horrible time!

        So, I’m participating in Script Frenzy and I just can’t get anywhere! I’ve been writing for about 3 hours now (well, I wouldn’t really call it ‘writing’, more like just hitting keys on the keyboard).

        Ah, well. Hopefully, I’ll get a bit more ‘inspired’ soon and get something down.